I really hope for your sake that you aren't feeling down as you read this, but it's very likely you are and are looking for some help. Maybe you're here to get some confirmation that someone else works through emotions like you do. That's ok too!

So many things can contribute to feeling "down" and not at our best. For the purpose of this blog I'm going to address when you have the thought, "I'm behind at everything", and it's causing you to feel down.

How Does Feeling Down Show Up For You?

It can come on slowly and sneak up on you or hit you like a truck, but chances are it's a familiar uncomfortable feeling. To really get to the heart of things it's important to become aware of all the signals your brain and your body offer you to let you know that something isn't going right in your world.

Take a pause and examine your body. You don't necessarily need to look in the mirror to recognize that your muscles are feeling weak, you have less desire to do your best hairstyle or make-up application, and you struggle to even fake a smile.

Now close your eyes and let your mind wander for a minute. Set a timer if that helps you to stay focused. With your eyes closed, "listen" to your inner voice. What thoughts are being said? When you're feeling down, it's common to have low-energy and negative thoughts offered. Write down the first 3 that come up. How fast did your brain offer those thoughts to you? Did it take effort or were they rapid-fire?

Examine Your Thoughts

"I'm behind at everything."

The word "everything" is very vague and also very large. It can feel heavy and overwhelming. When you focus on that thought, what emotions does it bring up for you?

It's ok if you struggle to come up with labels for your emotions. You can borrow some of my examples, or get my FREE DOWNLOAD that includes this emotion wheel along with a worksheet for this exercise.

Once you've selected a label for the emotion you think best describes how your thought makes you feel, get curious.

What are some examples of circumstances or situations you've been in that have caused you to feel that same emotion? What was the outcome of those situations? How did you move from feeling that emotion to a different and desired emotion?

We don't give ourselves enough credit for when we've solved a problem for ourselves in the past. This gives you an opportunity to remember how you've felt this way before AND you've been able to overcome it on your own.

Shift Your Focus

Now that you've written down the involuntary thoughts your mind is giving you, become aware of how your body feels and the behaviors you're showing, labeled the emotion behind your thoughts, and explored how you have moved away from feeling the labeled emotion in the past, now it's time to get intentional about pulling yourself back "UP" to a positive state.

How I Stop Feeling Down When I Think I'm Behind At Everything

Let me say first, you are totally not alone in feeling this way. No, it doesn't feel great and left unaddressed can snowball into overwhelm, burnout, and even a depressive episode if you have that condition.

This advice and my example are not a substitute for mental health care and if you need support in finding someone to talk to because you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, please reach out to the completely confidential resource 988lifeline.org online, or you can call or text them by dialing 988.

Feeling down and the thought, "I'm behind at everything", gives me the additional involuntary thoughts, "You should be further ahead by now", "You don't know what you're doing", and "Why even bother?".

Not very nice things to say to myself.

When my inner voice gives me these thoughts, my body feels heavier, my shoulders slump, my face muscles fall, I feel tension in my shoulders across my back, and I want to lay down and cover up and hide. Depending on how long I allow myself to be in this state, it can look like behaviors of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, scrolling social media for something to improve my mood, staying up too late at night, and comparing myself to other people that have achieved what I desire.

I label the emotion driven by these thoughts as INADEQUATE.

No way is this a new feeling. It's definitely something I've felt before. The good thing about that is that I can recognize that I've also stopped feeling that way also!

Look at your labeled emotion. Mine is INADEQUATE. When I use the emotion "inadequate" to describe the involuntary thoughts of "you should be further ahead by now", "you don't know what you're doing", and "why even bother?", it's not difficult to see why that would make me feel down. The emotion takes the thoughts and makes them negative.

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP

When I think, "I'm behind at everything.", I have an opportunity to choose how I want to feel about that thought.

What?

Yes. I can choose to not feel inadequate.

How?

I can ask myself a question. "What, then?" Truly, what IF I'm behind at everything? How do I want to feel about that?

You might be thinking, "why on earth would I ever want to think or be behind at everything?", but hang with me on this.

IF I'm behind at everything, but I want to feel the emotion CONFIDENT, then I need to give myself some INTENTIONAL THOUGHTS to feel that emotion.

Next, I think about what things I need to tell myself that will allow me to feel confident while "I'm behind at everything."

Examples I would offer myself are:

"I can see my obstacles and know I can overcome them, even if it is on a different timeline."

"I'm not where I want to be right now, but I can look for ways to get support so I can get back on track."

"I've been behind before and found a way to get things accomplished. Just because my original plan and timeline aren't going as hoped doesn't mean I'm behind at everything."

Last, I need to put these new intentional thoughts into action. How does my body feel and what behaviors do I have when I feel the emotion CONFIDENT?

I like to do this easy recall exercise to bring the physical feeling of an emotion to my body.

To begin, I close my eyes and let my mind focus for one minute. Next, I recall a time/experience when I felt confident. While I visualize this experience, I pay attention to my body. When I have felt confident before, I was smiling and my posture was open and at ease, I had bounce and energy in my steps, I made eye contact with people I was speaking to, I was using a checklist with intention, and I was asking for support when I needed it.

Now that I am physically feeling and reliving the energy of that experience, the next step I take is to repeat my intentional thoughts (out loud is best).

Bringing It All Together

When you choose an emotion that carries a positive energy and then practice the new intentional thoughts and allow the recalled positive physical feeling in your body you will be able to bring yourself UP from feeling down.

Please pay special attention to the word practice in that last sentence!

Doing something new doesn't mean you will always have instant results and depending on how long you've been feeling down, it may take a little bit longer to help you "climb" back up.

Don't give up on yourself and your ability to choose how you feel about your circumstances!

If you'd like some extra help, I've created this FREE DOWNLOAD for you to use as a quick reference while you begin.

If you'd like even more support and some accountability for discovering your intentional thoughts and using them, schedule a FREE CONSULTATION to chat about ways I can help you make lasting changes that will equip you to stop feeling down when you think you're behind at everything.